PAT & JAY - Take Your Show on the Road!

OH! If not for religious freaks and celebrities who buy their own ink, what would the mags do for copy? Report REAL news? THAT will never happen, will it? I don't know about you, peeps, but once around the toilet bowl is always enough for me!
This week, we have the pleasure of watching and hearing Pat and Jay fawn and fart all over themselves. The stink is really reeking now, and I'm more than ready to leave the incense behind and turn off the TV! WHO CARES! Is anybody really listening to these two blowhards anymore?
First, I'll address the Pat/voodoo/Big G vengeance thingy? What the hell was that all about? THIS GUY is a respected religious figure? (I wouldn't know, I left Pat to the Big G years ago: Big G, you made 'em, you fix 'em). Why doesn't SOMEONE get this man help? It's been obvious for a long time that Pat has lost touch with reality. Maybe all those angels whispering in his ear have finally made him deaf! If you believe a man who believes PEOPLE WHO ARE SUFFERING TERRIBLY DESERVE IT and therefore DO NOT rate the Big G's compassion and help, label yourselves SATANISTS right now!
Then there's dear old Jay! Darlin', I hate to tell you this, BUT YOU'RE THE NEXT ONE HEADED TO EARLY RETIREMENT! It wasn't good enough for you that your buddies at NBC helped you shiv Dave? Now you're helping to slit Conan's throat! And Jay, one more noodge: YOU'RE NOT AS GOOD OR WELL LIKED AS YOU THINK YOU ARE! As I've said before, believing your own press can be deadly. At least Dave and Conan have the brass ones to stand up for themselves! Your big talents are negotiating fat paychecks for gas guzzlers and backroom deals with the likes of Jeff to screw your buddies! Way to go, man!
So, I recommend the two of you team up and take the act on the road where maybe no one's heard of you two yet. You can call it DEAF and DEAFER!